Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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