But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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