My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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