he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize