I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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