OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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