I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
