You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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