we have pet lesbian snakes
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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