How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
