I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
