I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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