Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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