Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
