I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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