Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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