Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
