Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
