we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
