i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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