hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
