Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
