I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
