God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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