yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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