i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
