Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
