I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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