He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
pray to the hookup gods
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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