someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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