You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
