You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
