My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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