based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
