one might say we're banned from that church
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
