I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
