just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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