bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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