Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
