her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
