Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
