If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
