Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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