can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
