All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
