i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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