Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
