highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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