did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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