My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
