So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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