just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
