First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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