please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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