His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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