He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
