Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
