so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
