dude i'm inner monologue high
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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