Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
