It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
