i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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