My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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