This dress was meant to end up on your floor
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
