Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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