Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
