Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.