ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.