I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
