hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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