Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??