last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude i'm inner monologue high
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
