its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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