That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
