YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
