Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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