Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
