One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
